This may or may not be new to some, but up until my research I had the wrong idea about consistency.
I would get mad at myself because I couldn’t consistently eat a certain way, or spread out projects to get them done in a reasonable amount of time with detail, or how I couldn’t practice consistently…
Here’s the truth about consistency…
Consistency is what we do most often when we are comfortable.
The thing we consistently go back to is the norm. It’s our habit.
If that norm for you is napping for too long in the middle of the day, as soon as you try to break that consistency, as soon as you run into trouble starting the new habit, you got back to what is comfortable.
Some of these consistencies popped up with how we protected ourselves as children from childhood trauma. How we changed ourselves to please our caregivers and maintain connection.
Some of these defense mechanisms, no matter how ineffective that they are as adults, are still our safe spaces today.
Ironically these defense mechanisms are the reason why we may experience a lack of connection with ourselves and others.
These behaviors can range from perfectionism, having not one single fleck of dust in your home or office at any given point and absolutely everything has the place it needs to go to self-numbing behaviors like eating cheetos and binge watching Netflix.
Neither one is healthy believe it or not.
Sometimes it’s okay for your house to look like people actually live there and not like a showroom, so you can take the time to enjoy the kids and the dog, or sometimes it’s okay to cry and deal with unresolved issues.
No one is judging you if that means that you cry over that bag of Cheetos.
It is okay. Just let it all go.
The point is, some of the things we consistently do aren’t healthy, and unfortunately, while wanting to become healthier is good, there’s a reason why our New Year’s Resolutions tend to fail.
Making a change is taking a step into the unknown, and the bigger the resolution the bigger the chance that you’ll be paying for that gym memberships through to June that you only used in January.
Part of stepping into the unknown is not knowing whether you will succeed or fail.
If you have consistently failed in the past, you will enter your change with mindset that you will fail, and you will have a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Generally, speaking when we do stuff like this we are trying to prove ourselves right at every turn.
This isn’t me saying, “If you just believe in yourself a little more this time, you’ll succeed Jimmy. Just clap if you believe.”
No, blowing smoke up someone’s butt by saying if you believe hard enough without addressing the deeper mindset is going to cause money to bleed out of their wallet on that gym membership…
Or whatever your habit you are trying to change so that it becomes the norm that you do consistently.
You have to dig deep to make what you want to change into the norm.
In order to make long term change, you have to ask yourself some hard questions, which I will address in a different post.
I know there is a lot of stuff written on this topic.
Trust me, there is a lot.
However, I hope the way I put one thing or another produced an “aha” moment for you.
This isn’t the end of my research or thoughts on consistency.
This is just a start.
Until next time.